i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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