You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So apparently I’m into choking now
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