In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
