I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize