So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
