i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
