Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
