I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
