HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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