I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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