Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize