party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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