you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
