He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
