the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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