Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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