I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we're so committed to being not committed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize