The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
