thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
