Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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