I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
