You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
