Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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