xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
someone owes me an orgasm
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
