At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
