She is in my trunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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