If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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