If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
