I hate your face
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
