Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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