Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
