everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
