You made me cry and you don't even care
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
