Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
