I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
