i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
