Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
