i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
