My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize