He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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