so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
