remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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