I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
