I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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