my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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