Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
