Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
