ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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