A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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