And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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