I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize