All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
