Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
