I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
