I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
