I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
