my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
