He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
