i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
