Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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