On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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