I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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