I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
