I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
