nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize