So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
