Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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