:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
