At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
