Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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