you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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