We're facebook friends in real life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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