Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
