It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
