I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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