i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
