My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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