This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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