3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
cat food counts as protein by the way
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
