apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
