Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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