So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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