I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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