shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize