mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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