My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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