reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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