i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
