He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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