I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
