somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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