Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
