I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
