looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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