So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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