Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
