ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
