We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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