What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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