I'm going to jail i love you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
