SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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