my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's rum buckets o'clock
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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